Where have I been? Better yet… Where am I going?
So, it’s been a while. My bad.
My excuse for June and July is that I went on a month-long hike through Spain and had no internet or computer access.
My excuse for the next few months… pure laziness, I guess. A lack of ambition to do anything. After coming home from my 10 month excursion in Europe, I felt the need to… kind of kick back and do nothing. That initial flow of relaxation developed into a full-on lack of wanting to do anything. I spent many days at home, staying in my pajamas, browsing the internet on my slow, tethered cell phone network and watching “The Price is Right.”
I was working part time doing freelance writing and editing online, but unfortunately the company with which I was working decided to cut pay and eventually ended the project. I looked into other websites and freelancing opportunities, but all to no avail – the pay is just not enough to be sustainable. Many of these jobs are meant to be on the side, in addition to a full time income.
After that, I just sort of… stopped. Fell into a hole which is becoming really hard to climb out of. The problem is I have no routine, no inspiration, and no prospects. I’ve been trying to get myself back on track, but it’s been difficult. Many of the goals I set for myself upon my return to the United States remain unfinished. My novel, which I was so excited to edit and send out to publishers, sits on my hard drive, untouched. There is some kind of stigma surrounding it, pervading the air around me so thickly that I cannot cut to the core and get to the satisfaction inside.
I’ve always been one to look on the bright side of things. I always try to take meaning out of whatever happens; I always believe there is a lesson to be learned. But as I’ve already told several people, if I could take back my year in the Czech Republic, I think I would. It really messed up my life. I’ve never felt so much hatred or frustration or helplessness. Regardless of that fact, I have decided to abandon my quirky “Ways Wattsenglish Has Wronged Me” segment. I left all that baggage behind before I got on the plane to come home. If people want to sign up and work for Wattsenglish, that is their problem – I’ll be here if they want to talk, but I won’t force my opinions on them.
Until I can get back on the path to my dreams (of which I seem to have lost sight, or maybe even completely abandoned), I’ll try to keep this blog updated. I kept a fastidious diary during my pilgrimage on the Camino de Santiago, and I’d love to share bits of it with the world. I’d also like to share my experiences playing ice hockey, as I feel my words could help other women dive into this great sport.
On a positive side note, my blog officially reached 10,000 views! Thanks all, even if you do just stop by to see how to dispose of a dead body or view hot pictures of hockey players. I see how it is.