I Am Florimell the Cat. Hear Me Meow!
Florimell the cat loves to meow for attention, sometimes for hours on end. It’s one of her favorite pastimes. It’s a close second to sleep. Her meows are so ferocious that they actually helped her to grow thumbs, no joke. With her thumbs, she can now open doors, flush a toilet, and text her mommy when she needs attention (don’t worry, she also changed my text notification to a recording of her meow).
Scientists have determined her average meow clocks in at 194dB, meaning that it can be heard up to 3000 miles away. The U.S. government was considering harnessing her meow to use as a wartime threat against enemies, as it creates a shock wave that could obliterate entire nations. However, the UN banned this plan, calling it unjust, inhumane, and unfair to the targeted nation.
Florimell the cat has created an entire language out of her meows, complete with 500,000 distinct words/meows. Amazingly, 499,990 of them are synonyms for “Give me attention now plz.” The remaining 10 words cover important topics such as sleep, poop, and go get me food now you foolish human slave.