An artsy, freewrite way to describe my feelings…
Many of you may be wondering where I am. How I feel. Right now, I can’t answer that. Inside, I am in turmoil. Outside, I’m not sure where I am. My essence refuses to reveal itself, and I am lost.
The weeks have continued to bear down on me. Time slicing like a knife into my soul. Every day gets harder to survive. Sometimes, I feel as though I am riding a ship on a journey to a new world. We’ve been weathering the same storm for days, for weeks, for months, yet it is relentless, persistent to the very end. The waters choppy, the wind fierce, I am a fingertip away from losing my hold and free-falling into the engulfing ocean beneath me.
Recently, there has been a calmness in the water. My passions have abated to the point that the lurching of the waves is but a mere gently cascade. But, like most calms, this is only a temporary reprieve until the next storm hits, bigger and more malevolent than before. I can only ride the waves for so long before I am lost to the sea, a sea that I once thought represented freedom and the hope of a new tomorrow. I will not find the new world on these waters.
I am writing this while I still can, before the next thunder clap and flash of phosphorescence, before the salt-crusted air burns me to the core and sets me alight. Today is the eve of the new day, a day of destruction, and I turn to face it knowing that I may not return.
